SCENE 3: The clearing in front of the Temple of Fnordius, a typical example of the Cyclopean school of architecture; ie, it looks as if somebody made it by dropping large rocks from a great height, which, considering who the somebody was, is probably correct. You'd think Olympus Public Library could spring for a copy of How to Rebuild your Temple in 3 Days; it's not like they have to buy the author's Complete Works.
    A collection of figures in grey cowled robes is making its way through the rubble littering the clearing while chanting in low tones. If you listen closely you can just make out some of the words.
    Why do we have to wear these stupid cowls? Watch out for that rock! Ow! my toes! Hey, who am I standing on? Gerroff!
    Their slow and stumbling progress is observed from concealment by Sunios and his gang of hardbitten mercenaries (Greek mosquitoes are particularly vicious).

Sunios: [Aside] If you lot screw up again, I'll make you Unix, I mean... Oh, skip it. I know this is only a bit part, but our agent's been sweet-talking the Casting Director, and we might get a nibble.

Aixios: Do you think she'll bite?

Sunios: According to the agent she does. [In character] Now listen, men. That drunken lout, Joxrap, let slip in the Milonian Arms last night  that Xinuh was planning to steal the Eye of Fnordius and use it against Gilbatsius. She'll be doing the old disguised-as-an-acolyte trick, and if we can jump her in the act, Gilbatsius will be properly grateful. We're going to work as a team in this, so, Scoios, if you try to go off on your own again, you can take a slow boat to Java. Here they come; attack!

Sunios and Co spring out at the grey-robed acolytes, who quickly strip off their robes to reveal - the sky-blue robes of priests of the One Microbial Way! These are much more difficult to get rid of, but shortly a battle is raging across the clearing. Both sides are yelling 'Which one's Xinuh?' As if in answer to their question, Xinuh appears from the Temple with the High Priest of Fnordius, and the pair watch the fray.

High Priest: Well, well, well; Sunios and his gang on one side, Windos and his cohorts on the other. I guess you could call this the Battle of the OSes.
    How can we ever repay you, Xinuh? If you hadn't warned us of the two attacks coming, we might have been out there, and somebody could have got hurt [he winces at a particularly loud scream from the battlefield] - apart from Excelos, that is; they might as well spread the sheet over him now, that last miscalculation was fatal.
    It's a tremendous responsibility looking after the Eye.

Xinuh: You might like to talk to Stalmaneus about that; he has a few ideas that would help him - I mean you. All I ask for myself is to spend five minutes in prayer at the altar - alone.

Xinuh disappears into the Temple. Moments later a mighty voice is heard crying 'Oh No! Not again!'