MEDIATION


To resolve conflict you may need some or all of the following:- (1) Information,  
(2) Advice,  (3) Counselling,  (4) Mediation,  (5) Support Group,  (6) Powerful 
helpers, (7) Common-sense,  (8) Common Decency.  Mediation can be prevented from 
working by lies, lack of co-operation, lack of control.  80% success rates have been 
claimed.  Since 1984, mediation has been a basic component of the syllabus in 
Californian schools.  It is a very useful tool but it is not a cure-all.

The following is a summary of basic needs for mediation.

A.	Format for a mediation session.

1.	The mediator arranges the session with the disputants at a suitable time in an 
appropriate place.  The mediator calms the disputants and explains or reminds them of 
this format.
2.	Each disputant tells his/her story, i.e. what they think happened.  No 
interruptions are allowed.  No slagging is allowed.  After each disputant speaks the 
mediator summarises what was said and checks if that summary is an accurate 
assessment of their perspective.
3.	The mediator asks how each person feels about the situation.
4.	The mediator asks each if they wish to add anything about facts or feelings, 
summarising each time as often as necessary.
5.	The mediator asks each to suggest possible solutions.
6.	The mediator helps disputants to find areas of agreement in the suggested 
solutions and so to find a solution that suits both.
7.	If necessary the mediator points out the benefits of reaching a solution and the 
consequences of not agreeing on a solution.
8.	The aim is to find a win/win solution that is fair and to everyone's advantage as 
compared to continued conflict.
9.	The mediator promises confidentiality except where a fact is of the sort which 
must be reported by law/by school rules.
10.	The mediator writes the agreement forms which the disputants sign and copy.
11.	The mediator arranges a check-back time and what to do if there is a serious 
problem before them.
12.	The mediator writes a report form, and later a check-back form.


B.	The Agreement Forms.  Sample.

I agree to do the following:-
I understand the consequences of not keeping the agreement:-
Date:-			Signature:-			Check-back time:- 


C.	Conflict Observation Form Headings.

1.	What the Conflict was about including who, where and when.
2.	How the Conflict was handled - denial, confrontation, problem solving 
negotiation.
3.	How the Conflict ended - resolved, unresolved.


D.	Disputants may dispense with the presence of a mediator.


E.	Slogans.

1.	Don't fight - Go for Mediation.
2.	Don't get mad - get a mediator.
3.	Be my mediator and I'll be yours.


F.	If mediation requires equality then everyone should be trained in mediation 
skills.


G.	Training in Mediation skills.  Class lessons or workshops.

1.	Active listening:  attentive to person speaking; asking relevant questions to 
clear vagueness or possible misapprehensions; feedback to show grasp of what was 
said, both facts and feelings' readiness to adjust feedback till it matches what person 
says.
*  In my opinion it is not a good idea to use phrases that make the speaker doubt your 
sanity or your good faith e.g. "I hear what you're saying." or "So your safety is 
important to you."  Believe it or not, these are widely used and are counter-productive.
*  Don't talk about yourself but use your own experience and knowledge to help you 
frame questions that may elicit answers that will shed light on the conflict or problem.
*  You are not to give advice but you can ask, "Has anyone ever suggested such and 
such?" rather than leave the disputants without a possible solution which might suit 
them but which they have not thought of.
*  Rules are there to help not to hinder or to handicap.  If you feel hamstrung by the 
rules, they have probably been misapplied or misunderstood.  If in doubt, ask.
2.	Affirmations and "I" statements - give examples and practice sessions.
3.	Recognising various types of Response to conflict such as denial, confrontation, 
dirty tricks, problem-solving.
4.	The role of the mediator - best done by demonstrations and role-play.
5.	The Mediation Process i.e. the 12 steps of A. Format of Session.
6.	Handling Difficult situations where disputants are interrupting, going off the 
point, slagging, lying, not co-operating, not attempting to suggest solution.  All good 
ideas are welcome.

7.	Simple ways to describe feelings such as:
I feel			when you			because			. 
plus vocabulary of words such as angry, helpless, furious, wild, humiliated, deflated, 
frustrated, jealous, crazy, weeping.
8.	Sample agreements, contracts, solutions based on experience.  e.g. I agree not to 
hit Jane.  If I feel like hitting Jane I will say, "I feel like hitting you, Jane, because 
........" example 2:  I promise I will not make fun of Peter no matter how much I want to.  
example 3:	I agree to say if I don't like something.
9.	Practice at co-operative games, ice-breaking activities, finding out facts like 
favourite foods, everyday breakfasts, what opinions about T.V. programmes etc., 
organising any pursuit, organising an event - what is involved and getting consensus.
10.	Practice at giving praise and constructive criticism.
11.	Practice at giving rewards and showing appreciation.
12.	Practice at saying, "No",  "Stop",  "Don't", "Watch out", etc.


H.	Mediator's Report Form for Confidential File.

Mediator's name.					Sessions Time and Date.
Disputants' names.
Short Description of Conflict.
Agreement as on Agreement form.
Check-back time.


I.	Mediation Role-play.  In fours.  Everyone plays every part.

Parts:	Disputant 1, Disputant 2, Mediator, Observer.


In conclusion, mediation skills are well worth developing and using.