BULLYING IS ABUSE - it is always harmful; it always involves injustice.
There is No Thin Line, No Grey Area, No Other Side.
Bullying is a poison. It is unwholesome. It is not like a diet with
excessive amounts of sugar, butter,
salt or coffee. It is like a diet of sand sauced with petrol washed
down with sea-water.
Bullies are misery - makers and kill-joys, liars and deceivers, betrayers
and back-stabbers. Some
people never bully, some are full-time bullies, some are part-timers,
some mere dabblers - dabblers
join in on a social occasion, it is similar to smokers and smoking
in these respects and also in
another very important one, as Tim Field, author of ,BULLY IN SIGHT,
relates, the serial bully is
addicted to bullying.
Tim also points out that there is a problem with RECOGNITION of bullying - most people don't recognise bullying when they come across it, which of-course gives a big advantage to the bully. What I have always stressed, even more than the lack of recognition, is the lack of training in what to do when you do notice it - people do tend to recognise something like queue jumping or shop-lifting if they notice it, but don't always know what to do about it.
Recognition - signs to look out for: It is essential to be clear about
what behaviours are desirable or
at least acceptable, and what are bullying. The former fall within
the range characterised by Fairplay,
Courtesy, Consideration and Respect. Bullying is the antithesis of
these. ?We need to remember that
bullying is not an isolated phenomenon which suddenly appears out of
nowhere. It exists along a
continuum of behaviour which begins with people believing that it is
acceptable to disregard the
feelings and sensitivities of others and ends with their giving expression
to that disregard in extreme
and violent ways.?(This quote appears in the CaB Anti-Bullying Information
leaflet and in the
Proceedings of the CaB Conference on Bullying 27/3/93, in the speech
given by Simon Richey of the
Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation.) It is important to understand that
the term, Bullying, does cover the whole range of behaviours as described
above, from the relatively mild and commonplace unkind teasing or put-down
or uncalled for criticism to the appalling acts most of us would be, or
would hope and believe ourselves to be, incapable of, such as murder, mutilation
and massacre. A succinct way of summing up bullying is:- DON'T CARE DON'T
RESPECT. Just as with illness, where you go first to your G.P. , who may
find it necessary to refer you to a specialist, certain kinds of bullying
fall within specific categories for which there is special provision; again
as with illness, some fall across several categories. That is another reason
why a general term is so important - some cases used to fall between agencies'
remits and many cases require a many-pronged approach. This brings us to:
DEALING with Bullying. This requires diagnosis, treatment , cure and
prevention and, life being like
that, all at the same time and continuously. Diagnosis involves looking
at the situation in general,
usually starting off with some informal discussions followed by a survey,
as well as dealing with any
specific cases and incidents which have come to your attention. To
deal with a case, you need to find out:- what happened, who was involved
- including as witnesses, where the event(s) took place and when.
Then you need to discover the Antecedent i.e. what happened in the
past that led up to the bullying
incident(s) and the Consequence, what has already happened as a result
of the bullying situation - if a case has been reported then either the
report was true or it involved a misunderstanding or it was
false, a false report is in itself bullying so you have either bullying
or misunderstanding to deal
with and in both of these some form of education or training in the
subject will be required, that is
some aspects of treatment, cure and prevention remain the same. As
well as the basic definitions of
bullying as given above, you need to know some of the common forms
it takes, such as:- derogatory or offensive nicknames, verbal abuse, shouting
and aggressive behaviour, using a person as a constant butt of jokes, sneering
or public humiliation, slandering or maligning a fellow
employee/classmate/neighbour, persistent unwarranted criticism, offensive
gestures, staring or
aggressive facial expressions, isolation, exclusion, sending to coventry
or nonco-operation at work,
ostracising or exclusion from social activities, unfair delegation
of duties, taking credit for someone
else's work, withholding information or giving misleading information
, lies, horse play, unwanted
physical contact, assault or threat of assault, stealing or deliberate
damage to property.
You also need to know the typical tricks and dodges of bullies when
confronted with a complaint about their bullying behaviour. Tim Field details
these particularly clearly; the initial reaction is
surprise and denial, the usual expressions being:- I don't know what
you mean, you've lost me there,
What me?, This is a mistake/untruth. I've never bullied, It wasn't
bullying, It never happened, It
happened but there's nothing wrong with it. Bullies continue with projection
of their own faults on to
others:- You are incompetent, useless and untrustworthy; Then come
the excuses/ poor me pleas such as I'm under pressure to achieve, followed
by alarm leading to suggesting We can sort this out between us, which moves
to threat e.g. This is doing your reputation no good at all; and ,provocation
- You are embarrassing yourself, me and the company. Then, or even earlier,
comes delay - I don't remember that, I can't find this, I can't attend
then. Next is panic:- Let's talk, It's a misunderstanding, You've got it
all wrong. There follows Defence with You're at fault, you're late again,
I'm fed up with your mistakes. Confusion/trickery will be introduced including
letters containing false or misleading statements. Nastily, comes diversion
such as expelling a student or sacking an employee by making a mountain
out of a molehill or bringing a trumped up charge. The repertoire also
contains:- Counter attack e.g. You must stop bullying me, You are going
over the top here. When the bully is up against it, comes- humility:- I'm
really, really sorry. And, or Play the victim with, What are you trying
to achieve? I'm the one who is being bullied. You are causing harm. In
short, a bully typically abdicates responsibility for his/her actions or
the consequences of these actions.
It is of fundamental importance that people should learn to be mature
enough to be able to say in an
honest and straightforward manner, ?It happened. It shouldn't have
happened. I regret that it happened. I will endeavour to ensure that it
won't happen again. I will make amends. I accept the appropriate penalty
if it is applied.?
Justice, Rules, Laws and Rights.
It is an imperfect world and there are problems with all of these.
Rules are necessary. To play a game, build a house, run a business,
put on a show, use a computer,
share a home , we need rules - ground rules, house rules, etc. Some
rules are natural laws like gravity or the value of pi. Others merely need
to be agreed by the participants, as with chess. Bullies believe that others
should obey rules when the bullies want them to, but that they should be
above the rules, above the law, above suspicion, above reproach.
Bullying unchecked leads to tyranny and terror, consider Stalin, Hitler, etc.
Perfect justice is virtually impossible since once injury has been done
it can at best be healed, one
cannot turn back the clock.. Laws are necessary to counter bullying
and restrictions are imposed
because people bend and break the rules essential for peace and prosperity.
Laws dealing with bullying are not about living the ideal life and they
result in a diminution of everyone's personal freedom and their Human and
Civil Rights.
Some forms of bullying are covered by criminal law, e.g. larceny, assault,
stalking, some by civil law,
some by labour/industrial relations law some by International law.
Bullies can be restrained by
detention, suspension, expulsion, barring and restriction orders, by
tagging, curfews, daily reporting
in, by sanctions - including trade sanctions, by military occupation
and military action.
The term Bullying is virtually synonymous with all the behaviours covered
by the terms `harassment' and
`unfair discrimination' which are the areas dealt with by Equality
legislation. Unfortunately, Equality
legislation limits its coverage to a few categories - 9 in the case
of the Irish Equality Act 1998 - on
the grounds of , gender, marital status, family status, religion, disability,
age, race, ethnic origin, sexual orientation, membership of the travelling
community. Also there are restrictions within these, e.g. sexual harassment
is only covered if it is between people of opposite sex , and there are
restrictions on the people and places covered i.e. workers and workplaces
and some college students and some users or customers and so on.
Bullying is recognised as a Health and Safety Hazard but the Health
and Safety legislation applies to
workers and workplaces.
As I say in my book, Bullying : A Resource Guide, bullying is simple
to define but in every other
respect is a very complex issue which we all have to tackle as individuals
and all have a duty to help
to eliminate. It is in our own interest to do so. It is a necessary
part of defending our own and each
others Rights to live in peace free from persecution and intimidation.
The Campaign against Bullying, CaB, can be contacted by tel. at 01-2887976...
Vivette O'Donnell Founder -Director CaB.