BE-ware

Reading this document constitutes an agreement between you, hereinafter referred to as the Licensees (Lice for short), and Us, hereinafter referred to as the Licentious (Our lawyers insisted).

Whereas every legal document has to start off with at least two Whereases,
And Whereas this one now has three,
It is as legal as they come (why are our lawyers rolling on the floor?).

BE-ware is software written for the enjoyment of the programmer, and therefore is fully warranted with respect to its suitability for its purpose. Any suggestion that it is not will be met with the full rigor of the law and punitive damages will be sought (Oh look. One of them's being sick now).

The above notwithstanding, it is recognised that BE-ware software may be usable for other purposes, but this is entirely at the user's risk, and the programmer cannot be held responsible for any consequences, even if it reformats your hard disk, deletes your collection of downloaded jpegs or installs Windows 98 on your computer - though I'd feel bad about the last.

Any such use, moreover, is subject to certain conditions which are listed below.

• It is absolutely forbidden to make any profit from BE-ware unless you can find someone willing to buy it or whatever you use it for. The Law of Economics will be enforced against any offender.
• If any profit should be made from BE-ware, an inappropriate percentage must go to the Government and the Legal Profession. This is apparently covered by one of the Laws of Nature, but our lawyers are in no fit state to give advice at the moment.
• Suitable acknowledgement of the programmer must be made for any use of BE-ware programs or source code. Suitable acknowledgements include, but are not restricted to, blank cheques, enthusiastic encomia in prestigious journals, spitting on the sidewalk if BE-ware is mentioned, and mutterings of 'Why the Hell did he do it that way?' Unsuitable acknowledgements include funeral orations, however favorable, threats of death or maiming, bricks hurled through the programmer's window, and articles in Microsoft Journal.
• Some human being other than the programmer has to get some enjoyment out of it. This, of course, precludes its use in Government Departments and most educational establishments.